Published on Sept 19, 2025

Isn’t it remarkable how drastically a child changes over time? I look at my tall, hairy man-child and remember the itty bitty toes on his less than 6 lb body. He was once reliant on me for nearly every single thing in his baby life.

Somehow the chewing on and then playing with toy trains turned into riding bicycles and then to driving cars. Now he opens tight jars for me and shows me how to work the latest tech. The evolution is staggering!

And what about us - the mothers? Do you recognize the change in yourself within this role? Do you appreciate the growth and expansion of your skills, understandings, and perspectives? 

Both experience and the ever changing needs of our children urge us on to uncharted territory. The passage of time requires us to adapt and pivot from each finally comfortable stage to something new to learn and try out. You may have just become a confident breast feeder only to now have to figure out spoon feeding messy oatmeal cereal to a baby who’s hand seems to find more of the food than his mouth. Or you’ve conquered the walking to school routine with your kiddo only to suddenly be told that you may no longer hold their hand, soon followed with a banishment from walking with them at all. We work to be the friendly mom, the funny mom, the engaged mom, only to be begged not to interact with any of her peers, even when taxiing them around. And lest you misunderstood the assignment and assumed what worked for one child would also apply to the sibling - nope! Don’t even think about it. Modify, adapt, stretch. Look at you - constantly learning new ways of mothering!

Sometimes we rejoice at the passing of a stage - a modification in our mothering. No more diaper changes - hallelujah! Nightly spelling word practice and annual science fair projects in the past - yesss! Most often another duty (or three!) slips in to replace those responsibilities. Let me introduce you to algebra and travel sports...

Other times we look back with hearts full of nostalgia at the good old times (while conveniently forgetting the sleepless nights etc) and really, really miss stages or parts of our motherhood. It’s common to even feel a twinge of resentment towards the now older kids who have traded the precious tender moments of yesteryear for stinky shoes and stinkier attitudes. Now with teens, not only have your mothering responsibilities changed, but so has your relationship with each of them. It’s natural to feel resistant, unappreciated, misunderstood, and nervous, as your influence, time together, and their dependence on you lessens. But there are beautiful moments to be had here as well. More chances for growth. More opportunities to experience. Be gentle with yourself and with your teen as you are both learning yet another new role and dynamic. You’ve got this.

To ponder: What do you miss most from a past phase? Is there another way to meet that need now?

-Carmelle Bench

*Disclaimer: My experiences and perspectives are not definitive nor exhaustive of the vast and differing journeys of motherhood. The purpose of these entries is to help you reflect and find encouragement on your path.